What makes this a holiday photo, you ask. All the icons, of course. Holidays are crazy time, bae.
Ever see the Norman Rockwell painting of the big ol' American family grimacing around the holiday dinner table? Underneath the table you spy subtle shin kicks and cloth napkins twisted into 1/10 of their size by nervous, uptight fingers? There's a sweet golden retriever missing from the painting, because the family pet could only abide so much of the spoken and unspoken tension electrifying the room, and so it left the room. You haven't seen that painting? Okay, I admit it does not exist. But if old Norman had wanted to capture the average family on canvas, he might well have painted it.
Recently I came across an interesting site that does
artistic mash ups. I thought about that lately, and wondered about the
"perfect" holiday mash up painting. This is what I came up with,
Norman Rockwell's holiday dinner, merged with Edvard Munch's "The Scream." You dig it? As a therapist for 26 years, I get to hear lots of
tales of holiday happiness and holiday nightmares. Adding a few of the crazy
features of my own family and my family of origin, has made me ponder "What
is it about the holiday interactions that makes "family of origin" another name
for "lunatics?"
This is what I've come up with. First of all, most
of us live crazy, wired lives with too little time to take care of everything
we need to attend to, personally and professionally. So, we do the next best
thing: attend to all the urgent/unimportant things that create adequate
distraction from the big tasks that desperately need our attention. This goes
on for about 360 days a year, until we realize that another pesky holiday has
come around the bend! How do we come to the realization that it is holiday
time? Because we have several days of unstructured time during which to get
maudlin about the past year, plus, anxious about impending cocktail or dinner
conversations sprinkled with variations of "Who is better, me or
you?"
Also, vacation days, aka unstructured time provides enough time for us to reflect upon the fact that last year's resolutions never made it off the page and into action. Add to these unnerving discoveries, a whole year of pent up longings that we'd catch The Big Break which would position us to have the happiest holidays EVER! Instead, we're broke, exhausted, irritable, and discontent that The Big Break has eluded us once again. Sound familiar? There is a reason we identify with Charlie Brown's raggedy Christmas tree and not just with Charlie Brown. Lots of us are pretty raggedy by the time the holidays roll around!
Also, vacation days, aka unstructured time provides enough time for us to reflect upon the fact that last year's resolutions never made it off the page and into action. Add to these unnerving discoveries, a whole year of pent up longings that we'd catch The Big Break which would position us to have the happiest holidays EVER! Instead, we're broke, exhausted, irritable, and discontent that The Big Break has eluded us once again. Sound familiar? There is a reason we identify with Charlie Brown's raggedy Christmas tree and not just with Charlie Brown. Lots of us are pretty raggedy by the time the holidays roll around!
Who can leave the family of origin fiasco fast enough? When we arrived at the front door, for the family gathering, we had to stretch up on our toes, to reach the doorknob--having regressed to our younger, insecure selves. Hours later, we're willing to exit by a window or doggy door if possible. We have no pride. But, we have some shred of a will to survive, and that can suffice. After all, 365 days from now, we'll be putting on the face paint and persona in order to survive this craziness all over again.
I have some suggestions for coping, in Part 2 of this Blog. For now, have a laugh at yourself and cry in the upstairs bathroom like the other black sheep of the family. I tried the coat closet once and suffice it to say, I won't do that again.
Happy trails and trail mix. Hope is on the way, Dr. J
