"Christmas: Has it Become the Me Tree?" Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC Holidays Part Two

           

        

              When I was in college, a Creative Writing student wrote an intriguing, futuristic essay about celebrating Christmas. In it, she described how the familiar holiday tradition of putting up and decorating a Christmas tree would change dramatically, over the years. If I remember correctly, my classmate opened the story with a little girl and granddad surveying the decorated tree with delight, as the grandfather explained the profound meaning of it. However, in a very provocative twist, it was revealed that a different kind of tree had replaced the Christmas tree. Not a different breed of evergreen. Not a pre-lit tree. Not a metallic tree. The tree was still an evergreen. But, it was now celebrated as the "Me" Tree. I can't remember how the story unfolded from there, because I was so taken aback by the idea of society highjacking the holiday and making it a way to laud ourselves instead of having reverence for its true meaning, that I barely listened to the rest of the story. I think, even then, I realized there was more forecast than fiction in that essay.

            Before the holidays get here, with steep expectations about gift lists, entertaining, office parties, and family gatherings, let's take a few minutes to check our soul compass. Who are the holidays about, for you? I readily admit that I've been guilty of something similar to putting up a "Me" tree. I've wanted the tree of my choice, decorated my way, and I've scrutinized presents underneath it to see if they suited me. How about you? Be honest!

            Probably the best antidote to a self-absorbed holiday season is to prioritize giving. I don't mean giving the obligatory gifts and gift cards and party invites to familiar faces who in turn reciprocate in kind. But, rather, giving to those in need, who truly need us to share our resources with them. This may mean extending to strangers the blessings that we take for granted--safe shelter, warm clothes and decent shoes, adequate food, the graces to find a job and land a job, transportation, and freedom from abuse, addiction, and domestic abuse.

            Hopefully, your kids' school or youth group has encouraged them to get involved in community outreach. Perhaps they have earned "community service" hours. Perhaps you are a part of an adult service club that raises money to eliminate polio or to help fund local agencies. But, have you prioritized this as a family activity? Maybe this is the year to mobilize your spouse, friends, or family to help stock the community food pantry, or serve at a local soup kitchen, together. It may mean donating to a warm clothing drive, a toy drive, or a can-a-thon. As anyone involved in outreach will tell  you, the soul rewards of helping, far outweigh any sacrifice it involves. It also serves to strengthen marital and family bonds, to focus outward bound compassion. Thankfully, there is a vital role for every person to play! A call to local agencies, or to 2-1-1, will help you find where your skills would be greatly appreciated, from everything from swinging a hammer on a Habitat House, pitching a ball at the Miracle Field, baking goods for the Senior Center, playing piano at Floyd Medical Center, or visiting folks at a nursing home. You may well find that the joy of pitching in during the holidays, becomes a habit that lasts all year!

            I'd also like to highlight four additional places to offer your time and financial aid: The Salvation Army, the Murphy-Harpst Children's Home, Q102 Cheerful Givers, and Operation Christmas Child.

Look for Life Changing Giving: The Salvation Army:  Offering national and local assistance, this organization seeks to help youth and adults find safe shelter, develop life skills, overcome addiction, and escape poverty. Their services includes adult rehabilitation, Veteran services, prison ministry, and elderly services. They also combat human trafficking and respond to natural disasters. Help fill their "red kettle" this year! www.salvationarmyusa.org. 

Look for Life Saving Giving: Murphy-Harpst Children's Home: Imagine being 3 years old, arriving at a strange place, with your life possessions stuffed in a small trash bag. No toys. No change of clothing. No family. That is the predicament of many kids who find love and healing at Murphy-Harpst Children's Home. Many of these boys and girls look at a toy with confusion, because their lives have never been about playing or being a child. This local organization ministers to Georgia's youngest and most severely (sexually, physically, and emotionally) abused girls and boys, with residential housing, therapeutic care, and tender love. This non-profit organization has a 91% success rate of helping traumatized children recover and reach age 18 with a positive outlook and vibrant life skills. State budget cuts have drastically cut therapeutic service funding, creating an urgent need for donations. Please consider giving a financial gift to Murphy-Harpst. Inspiring stories at www.murphyharpst.org.

Look for Local Radio Giving: For example, in North Georgia, Q 102 Cheerful Givers project: Hosted by a local radio station, this program invites you to "Play Santa" for  Floyd County children who are under the care of the Department of Family and Children Services, who are not serviced by any other agency or charity. Wish Lists can be viewed at www.q102rome.com.

Look for International Giving: Operation Christmas Child: My family has loved our involvement with this outreach of the Samaritan's Purse. Ages 13yrs and up are invited to volunteer at gift box processing centers, and all ages are invited to pack gift shoe boxes with items like toys, school supplies, hygiene items, books, etc., to be delivered to children in need. Messages of hope, love, and the gospel accompany these boxes to children around the world. Pinterest ideas abound for low cost, high joy items! www.samaritanspurse.org.

            Chances are, for many of us, we've unknowingly slipped dangerously close to putting up the "Me" tree, or "Me" menorah, or "Me" Kwanzaa decorations, driven by the distractions and exhaustion felt this time of year. But, this year, we can determine to  make this a time of deep spiritual renewal. If we do that, I believe that concern for those around us who suffer in body or spirit, will become an impassioned commitment! We'll be drawn to look beyond ourselves, to reach out to others. Not because it makes us look good to others, but because a hunger develops inside us to feed the hungry. We'll thirst for encounters that grace and comfort others, young and old. We'll light up this community with love and connectedness that will keep us meaningfully engaged all year!

             Just imagine helping to rescue a baby from poverty, a toddler from abuse, a teen from choosing the gang life, an adult from drowning in addiction, or a couple at wits end from the scars of deployment and PTSD. The help YOU give, may enable a suicidal teen to find hope or a child fighting cancer to feel connected to friends through a laptop computer. These gifts may not fit beneath your holiday decorations, but they will most certainly create a glow within you, that warms and lightens your way and the way of others. Now, that is how to LIVE and GIVE the holiday spirit all year around!

Holidays: Merriment or Mayhem? Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC Part One

What makes this a holiday photo, you ask. All the icons, of course. Holidays are crazy time, bae.

         Ever see the Norman Rockwell painting of the big ol' American family grimacing around the holiday dinner table? Underneath the table you spy subtle shin kicks and cloth napkins twisted into 1/10 of their size by nervous, uptight fingers? There's a sweet golden retriever missing from the painting, because the family pet could only abide so much of the spoken and unspoken tension electrifying the room, and so it left the room. You haven't seen that painting? Okay, I admit it does not exist. But if old Norman had wanted to capture the average family on canvas, he might well have painted it.

       Recently I came across an interesting site that does artistic mash ups. I thought about that lately, and wondered about the "perfect" holiday mash up painting. This is what I came up with, Norman Rockwell's holiday dinner, merged with Edvard Munch's "The Scream." You dig it? As a therapist for 26 years, I get to hear lots of tales of holiday happiness and holiday nightmares. Adding a few of the crazy features of my own family and my family of origin, has made me ponder "What is it about the holiday interactions that makes "family of origin" another name for "lunatics?"

      This is what I've come up with. First of all, most of us live crazy, wired lives with too little time to take care of everything we need to attend to, personally and professionally. So, we do the next best thing: attend to all the urgent/unimportant things that create adequate distraction from the big tasks that desperately need our attention. This goes on for about 360 days a year, until we realize that another pesky holiday has come around the bend! How do we come to the realization that it is holiday time? Because we have several days of unstructured time during which to get maudlin about the past year, plus, anxious about impending cocktail or dinner conversations sprinkled with variations of "Who is better, me or you?" 

      Also, vacation days, aka  unstructured time provides enough time for us  to reflect upon the fact that last year's resolutions never made it off the page and into action. Add to these unnerving discoveries, a whole year of pent up longings that we'd catch The Big Break  which would position us to have the happiest holidays EVER! Instead, we're broke, exhausted, irritable, and discontent that The Big Break has eluded us once again. Sound familiar? There is a reason we identify with Charlie Brown's raggedy Christmas tree and not just with Charlie Brown. Lots of us are pretty raggedy by the time the holidays roll around!

      So, what better time for Aude Lang Syne to wipe us completely out? The siren call of nostalgia and sentimental journeys can convince us that we have possibly completed living out our happy years and now have outlived any optimism of youth. The faces (or scalps--we can't see faces that are downturned to stare into smart phones) of loved ones surround us, but the silence of conversations is deafening, and the awkwardness of attempting to connect eventually renders us mute. The football and food coma can only buy us so much time until we are funneled into the great room  to watch or act out scenes depicting "Reasons why my life counts more than yours" or "See how my kids' success plugs up my hemorrhaging life of failures?"

      Who can leave the family of origin fiasco fast enough? When we arrived at the front door, for the family gathering, we had to stretch up on our toes, to reach the doorknob--having regressed to our younger, insecure selves. Hours later, we're willing to exit by a window or doggy door if possible. We have no pride. But, we have some shred of a will to survive, and that can suffice. After all, 365 days from now, we'll be putting on the face paint and persona in order to survive this craziness all over again.

       I have some suggestions for coping, in Part 2 of this Blog. For now, have a laugh at yourself and cry in the upstairs bathroom like the other black sheep of the family. I tried the coat closet once and suffice it to say, I won't do that again.

       Happy trails and trail mix. Hope is on the way, Dr. J

How Does a Shrink get Shrunk? Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC

Shrink Rap with Dr. J

Greetings! Recently (like an hour ago!) I had the honor of being interviewed by a delightful college student, who needed to interview a PSYCHOLOGIST. Since I am a Developmental Psychologist, I was happy to cooperate. She posed several questions, and wisely let me ponder them before I wrote my responses. She might not know that I am an INFJ, but that is exactly how I prefer to do interviews!  Usually, whenever I finish a piece of writing, I usually allow it some time to steam and cool off. But, not so today! I decided to go with my gut responses and damn the torpedos! So, here is my steamy hot interview, just in case you  wanted a BACKSTAGE PASS to learn what this 26 year veteran THERAPIST has figured out about THERAPY, mental hygiene, and KEEPING IT REAL as a mental health professional! I don't RECOMMEND that career path for everybody, but if it is truly calling you...GIVE IT YOUR ALL. I truly LOVE being a Developmental Psychologist and a helper of humans.    Thanks, Heather P. for giving me this assignment!   

          What is one of the hottest college majors right now? Psychology! Is Counseling a good career choice for you or your college student? Here are my suggestions!

   Interview:  Developmental Psychologist and Therapist, Laurie D. Johnson, Ph.D., LPC, AMS

What is your education background? 

I have a B.A. in Communication and a B.A. in Speech & Theatre, from Shorter. I have a Masters of Communication/Broadcasting, from Georgia State University, and a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from Georgia State University (Atlanta)

What are your current credentials/licenses?

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, practicing since 1991. I am also certified as an Anger Management Specialist and I am certified to work with the U.S. military.  I am also a certified MentorCoach and I am a certified in Hypnotherapy.

What was your graduate school experience like?

I loved it. I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge, so the demanding curriculum thrilled me. I worked in P.R. which helped me maintain some balance between being a student and being a professional. I had great professors. Georgia State was a great match for me. I began teaching there, after I earned my Masters. I taught Communication, Public Speaking, and Psychology. I also taught ESL Doctoral students classroom management skills.

How long have you been in practice?

I began counseling under supervision, in 1986. I opened up my own private practice in June, 1988.

In what context/work environment do you see clients?

Diverse. I knew I wanted to practice independently, but I didn't want to burn out, so when I opened The Skills for Living Institute, Inc., in 1988, I had three departments, Counseling/Coaching, Seminars & Retreats, and Consulting. I have loved the diversity, and each has enhanced my skills and savvy for the other endeavors. I also look for every possible reason to get outdoors, so I enjoy meeting clients in outdoor settings. Almost all my clients have been self-referred, through someone that has benefitted from my services. The second largest group, are referred by their physicians. The third group, come because they have read my books, articles, or heard my weekly radio shows. I work with clients face to face, by phone, by Skype, via letters, on retreats, in seminars, and on site consultations. In the past I have produced a video series to teach clients life skills. I have also launched Dr. J's Field Guide Series, and I am currently writing my fifth book to help clients excel in parenting and in marriage.

What perspectives/theories do you utilize in your work with clients?

I believe in the transpersonal dynamic of allying with clients. I was actually trained in Rogerian therapy (Carl Rogers) by my father, who was a psychiatrist. I practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and appreciate David Burns, MD for his systemization of principles for mental hygiene. I am proud to say I received post doctoral training by two of the premiere leaders of filial therapy, Drs.Bernie and Louise Guerney, of Penn State. I also received extensive training under internationally respected, Dr. Lu L'Abate.

How do you integrate theories in your practice?

That's hard to say! After 26 years of exploring, testing, using, assessing, and essentially creating my own collection of therapeutic principles, I'd be hard pressed to say where someone else's theory ends, and mine began. I have developed many unique therapies. As an INFJ, it is difficult for me to stick to anyone else's path. I have to pioneer. That has been necessary in part because of my free spirit, but also because I stand in an unusual gap. I am a very devout Christian with a feverish desire to understand the human heart. So I am often bringing Christian truth to my psychology colleagues, and psychological discoveries to my Christian leaders. It is interesting!

What interventions/techniques do you like to utilize with your clients?

Over the years, I have learned to trust my intuition more and more, and to trust the mechanics that God embedded in humans, to help us heal from nonphysical wounds. Because of the risk to go "off road" from stepwise therapy strategies, I have seen extraordinary things happen for clients who trusted in me, if not in my requests. The "empty chair" is a powerful technique. Talking to ones' "displaced selves" is a powerful technique. Using therapeutic hypnosis is a powerful tool. Using art and projection tests in whatever is around us, is powerful. I also assign movies and videos, to help reach places in clients that are so guarded, our conversations won't get us there. This is just a glimpse of what I've found works powerfully, when I'm led by the Holy Spirit to utilize these approaches. I also school all my clients about the "Committee" of mental guides who have our best interest at heart--but NOT always the best counsel!

  

What issues/population do you work with the most in your practice?

I work with highly functional adolescents, adults, and couples. Most of them are seeking coping skills, and the chance to make sense of what they are going through (phase of life.) I also address these issues in counseling: ADHD, Parenting, Marriage & Intimacy, Grief and Coping with Loss, and Stress Management.

What is your basic philosophy on how you counsel?

I believe that each of us is endowed by God with a longing to find the path He designed for us, and with a compass and courage to find that path. However, there are many hardships and heartaches and folly that we create and experience, that makes it hard to find that inner GPS. We are assigned rules and roles that do not always align with God's greater purpose for us. But, we tend to cling to those rules and roles because they provide us identity, self-esteem, and  strokes from certain people or groups. I help people reconnect with their "GPS" to figure out the "next right step" that will forward them on their unique path. Concentrating only on the "next right step" is really vital for people coping with addiction, disease, and discouragement. I believe God has the answers and counsel for every person, and it is my job to help them sort through the emotional and psychological debris, in order to get them to a comforted, dignified alliance, where they can discern more clearly, the right choices to make in their personal, relational, and professional lives.

How do you see multiple relationships in the counseling context?

Do you mean dual relationships? Or do you mean systems therapy?  As to the first, it is HARD to live in a small town (Cartersville and Rome) where you cross paths with everybody who could be a potential client, or a past client. I would never want to live in a city, but I do envy the anonymity that I have never known. It is not that I am uncomfortable being known as Dr.J, and having a pretty exposed life, but it adds some pressure that I must exit places on occasion, to make a client feel more comfortable. As for dual relationships, they ARE hard and demand great clarity and self-possession. Because of my INFJ personality, I only want to talk in depth to people, so we get into heavy duty, self-revealing talks, easily. That would be easy, if I only saw that person on a bus now and then, but in my case, I'll see them at school and they'll either want to give me updates or want to dodge me. It can be complicated.

How do you manage your own values in the counseling context?

The best way I can minister to another person, and I do regard counseling as a ministry, is to keep myself OUT OF THE WAY! That means I can lead a client toward pro-social values and humanitarian beliefs and spiritual realities, but NOT by showcasing mine. Transference could cause my client to want to please me or identify with me or to adopt my views. That would be unethical. I rarely, very rarely respond to a client's question, "Tell me what to do." Instead, I lead them through problem identification, values clarification, and problem solving steps. During any of those three stages, I'll pose questions to prompt my client to look at issues of accountability, integrity, conscience, and compassion. But I present them as components of self-actualization. If the client wants to bring their faith into our alliance, I respect it as far as possible, if it clashes with mine. I've never had a client who was radically anti-Christian. I admit, I am more likely now, than a decade ago, to answer clients, if asked directly about my hope, faith, or priorities. Frankly, that may be because I see the world going down the tubes and unless people have the comfort of God's love,I think they will surely suffer as our political and global world decompensates and  self-destructs.

What's been a more challenging time for you in your practice?

Frankly, I have done a pretty good job of protecting myself from more challenging times, by this realization, "Because you are good at something, does NOT mean it is necessarily good for you!" I had to learn this on my own, after offering very commendable counseling to some populations for which I had too much empathy and overarching concern. I'm great with teens, but I don't need to see ones who suffer physical abuse that I can't stop. I'm great with teens, but I can't be the counselor who shows Carl Rogers' UPR and neutrality if they say they are choosing to have an abortion. I can be a fantastic counselor after the fact, to help them grieve and recover. But I'd be a fool to put myself in circumstances to support abortion. I don't see women who are being abused, because I don't have the constitution for that. I tell people the one client I will have till the day I die, was a brilliant, wonderful female judge, who was murdered by her husband, who was high on cocaine. I know that I did everything I could, and we discussed every imaginable protection that existed, and she rallied an entire troop of law enforcement around her once he made death threats. This support team was within feet of her, but a murderous person on drugs is going to win if they are determined. Knowing who I can care deeply about, but who I can NOT take on as a client, has kept me safe, sound, and successful in God's eyes. I have a peace about that. So, to answer the question more succinctly, it is challenging to know that I have skills and perspectives, entrusted to me by brilliant minds (three of world renown) and not have as much chance to offer myself as I want to, for these reasons, 1. I will not compromise my values to get on an insurance company's list of providers, so I'm dependent on private pay clients. Money for counseling usually comes from discretionary income--something people have less and less. Also, 2. People who could benefit hugely from counseling, view it as a stigma and won't check it out. 3. People have experienced poor counseling and won't give it a second chance. These are challenges I face now.

How do you manage self-care in your professional life?

Vigilantly! I try to get outdoors every day (green therapy.) I try to spend time decompressing with my animals every day. Between giving myself the tonic of nature and pets, I can usually walk in my front door cleansed of whatever toxic or heartbreaking "stuff" I've taken on, during a day of counseling, coaching, or consulting. Which is good, because I do not want my marriage or family to suffer from my failure to compartmentalize my life. I also journal and take time to monitor my own well-being. I swim and exercise when I can, and I maintain close friendships. I also find that photography and tree pleaching feeds my soul.

Do you incorporate faith into your practice? How?

Every time I take a breath! How openly I do, depends on the circumstances. I have clients who ask to open sessions with a prayer, and I am very, very happy to oblige them. If asked directly, why my faith provides me hope and comfort, I'll answer. Especially, if my client is undergoing a painful tragedy that I have experienced. That is my transpersonal element of philosophy. If I've gotten through three miscarriages and can function and find joy, then I'm a much better help than a sympathetic  article from a stranger. I guess I would also say, that the reverse question is interesting, too. How do I incorporate my practice into my faith? That can be a challenge. Because my clients' struggles can break my heart and their beseeching me with "Why won't God answer my prayers?" is hard to hear, as I watch them walk through terribly dark valleys--some for zero blame of their own. Seeing life close up and raw, with peoples' darkest secrets, shame, and fears, will definitely test a counselor's faith--in humankind, in life, in goodness, and in God. I can honestly say, these 26 years have given me a profound appreciation of the human spirit and the Creator who cares for all of us.

How do you see assessments in your practice?

I like objective, numerical assessments, because our subjective impressions can be way off the mark. Also, self-report can be way off the mark. When I'm doing some of my assessments, my clients have no clue. They just think we are covering a valuable topic. Also, if you don't mark and track your way to a goal, how are you going to know if you are making progress? I love it when my assessment allows me to quantify or validate how much progress a client has made, because it is a hard thing for many people to see in themselves.

What is your view of the therapeutic relationship?

It is an incredible honor, and a noble undertaking. However, it is not my faith in therapy, psychology, my elite training, or my intelligence, that compels me to offer myself as a therapist. Those things strengthen me, but I would not dare enter into a person's soul, or mind, unless I thought God would guide me, speak through me, shore me up, and assume responsibility for the outcome. I can be a wonderful listener, an astute observer, a keen strategist, but it is only the grace of God that gives me the nerve and the boldness to step into such a sacred place with another human. Teens and adults come to me and bare their souls. They deserve far, far, far more than a self-impressed counselor. They deserve a humble counselor, taking cues and direction from a mighty God. Not that I am able or yielded to do that at all times. But it is my aim.

How do you set goals with your clients?

With coaching clients, I have clients specify goals and timelines and they are pretty concrete. With retreat participants and seminar attendees, I help them structure clear goals. But therapy clients usually do not come through the door in touch with their real need. Often, they don't know what their real ache is or what baggage they are carrying. If making goals and reaching them were that doable, they would have probably figured out what goals and approaches they needed, and accomplished them instead of seeking therapy. I DO believe in goal-centered counseling and I love single session therapy, and use it. But, I think it takes a seasoned counselor to see beyond the goals a client brings, to the goals that will actually reward them with deeper satisfaction.

What are your views on diagnosis?

Hmmm. That answer, is shaped by my undergraduate and graduate (and continuing) work in the field of Communication. Diagnoses are limited to the instruments that can measure a certain thing, to a certain degree, with certain expectations. Diagnosis is helpful for ruling out things, but less exact for determining real things. I realize that is a rather radical view, but I stand by it. Take intermittent rage, NOS. So we can measure anger outbursts, how does that help us access the pain fueling it or the head injury that created it? Yes, it is dang important to assess whether someone has unipolar or bipolar depression. But is that caused by an extreme, undiagnosed anxiety disorder, or restless legs that have caused sleep deprivation?  If a child with ADHD resembles a "gifted child" what's the deal? (I DO believe in ADHD and ADHD medication, btw.)  Diagnoses help us agree about symptoms. Symptoms can be fairly or unfairly pathologized. For example--ADHD folks have exceptional, absolutely exceptional concentration and duration of focus for certain things. So, do we diagnose them as SFCM, super focused creative movers? No, we go for a Western medicine leaning, pathology diagnosis. Something to think about. This is where I see a great gap in Christian intellect informing the psychological field. Humans look to words and diagnoses to serve as anchors amidst an ocean of unknowns.  Sometimes, that ill serves the human race.

 How do you create a therapeutic environment for your clients?

I try to create the most physically comfortable environment for THAT client. For some, that means their home or back yard. Or their private office. Or a neutral park. I hate a sterile, indoor environment, so I have never attempted to practice in a stark office. My favorite office had a fireplace, pillows, blankets, lush plants, soft artwork, and a couple of teddy bears. I always let my client choose his or her seating. I always place myself between my client and the door, lest there is delivery or disturbance, I maintain their privacy. When possible, I use art, music, guided meditation, walking, deep relaxation, humor, and often, double sessions. Double sessions (even when I only charge for one) are very, very beneficial to certain clients.

How do you manage countertransference?

First, by expecting it! I have faced a number of hardships in my life, so it is likely that I'll have clients with issues of abandonment, codependency, and other challenges that I've faced. By expecting it, I take the shame out of it, so that I can recognize it by early cues, instead of latter problems. There have been times it was right to wrestle with it privately or with a supervisor. There have been times that I've openly addressed it, and together we found very beneficial rewards of discussing it and realigning my energies.

What's some advice you would give an aspiring counselor?

1. Before you hike too far down that road, take time to pull together the story of your life, in as much detail as you can. If others can contribute, enlist their input, but don't assign it 100% accuracy. Don't even assign your own memories 100% accuracy! Make a Time Line of the major events in your life. My first major event was the loss of my dog at age 6. Nothing is "insignificant" if it comes to mind. Open your heart and soul and let things surface, even if they are painful, uncomfortable, or insignificant to others. After you've gathered your story, write it out. Share it. Feel it. Add to it as other stuff comes to mind. Your story is one of triumph. Keep gathering it until you KNOW that!
2. From that story, get an idea about why counseling may draw your interest. Most of us in the field, crawled through some broken glass to get here. We had our own demons to wrestle with, which is why we can fiercely go into battle for the welfare of our clients. But, be cautious. Going into the field, because you couldn't rescue someone you loved, earlier in life, is not the best idea in the world. Going into the field, to figure out why and how you are messed up, is very common, but not always the best reason to pursue this. Because guess who will enter your door? A hundred versions of that loved one you couldn't save or reform or get through to.
3. Ask yourself, "What can a counselor do, and what can't he or she do?" You can help people figure out who they are, where they are and where they want to go. You can help a client develop new life skills, new coping techniques, and thrive, thanks to more self-awareness and empowerment. Those are the positive can's. Less positive ones include: you can make yourself the target of a client's pain and loathing and serve as a lightning rod for his or her raw, wild pain. Are you up for that? You can also find yourself desperately trying to help a person find resources or referrals that don't come through and you'll have to watch him or her fight a terrible undertow of despair. Can you handle that? Granted, if you go into the field, supervision and experience WILL season you. You WILL find strength you didn't guess you possessed. If counseling were looked down upon, instead of being seen as something kind of cool and heady, would it still attract you? Maybe, you'd like a different role of teaching, mentoring, advocating, or cheerleading. Let yourself question these things! Because, in counseling, there are many things you can't do. You can't block out certain images, stories, tragedies, crimes, and hardships that clients must entrust to you. Choose well, the population you have the fortitude to serve. Also, you can't speed up a client's time table, when you see them making harmful choices or being double minded. You can't insure that a client continues the work they begin, because other people and circumstances will pull them out of your care. That is hard. You can't protect people from pain, but you will want to. Lastly, you can't just open a playbook and know what to do with or for your client. You have to have great intuition, good antennae, and fantastic supervision, if you want to excel as a helper.

4. Since you can't shadow a counselor, search out ones you can observe on YouTube and on TV and in movies. Tori Spelling's counselor is really good at conveying empathy and alarm, without being gushy or alarming. Dr. Phil's style is pretty harsh, but it is what some folks need. Robin William's played therapists who could always outwait a client. There are many styles of dealing with clients.

5. Breathe. Yes, I said breathe! Studies suggest you'll have several careers in a lifetime. I've been a elementary school teacher, a P.R. director, a college instructor, a psychologist, a therapist, a Retreat Facilitator, a Community Relations director, and I'm focusing on being an author. What do all those professions say? They say "help people." Whether or not you become a counselor, take heart. You can help people. Just find a way that it fits really well, like a favorite coat. And...God bless you, Dr. J

   Answering these questions was a good exercise for me. I'm glad I could share my thoughts with you. Catch me Saturdays, on TalkRadio WLAQ 9- 9:30, am via TuneIn Radio app, "Dr. J's Skills for Living Show." Or, reach me at 770.655.5364 at The Skills for Living Institute, Inc.