How Does a Shrink get Shrunk? Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC

Shrink Rap with Dr. J

Greetings! Recently (like an hour ago!) I had the honor of being interviewed by a delightful college student, who needed to interview a PSYCHOLOGIST. Since I am a Developmental Psychologist, I was happy to cooperate. She posed several questions, and wisely let me ponder them before I wrote my responses. She might not know that I am an INFJ, but that is exactly how I prefer to do interviews!  Usually, whenever I finish a piece of writing, I usually allow it some time to steam and cool off. But, not so today! I decided to go with my gut responses and damn the torpedos! So, here is my steamy hot interview, just in case you  wanted a BACKSTAGE PASS to learn what this 26 year veteran THERAPIST has figured out about THERAPY, mental hygiene, and KEEPING IT REAL as a mental health professional! I don't RECOMMEND that career path for everybody, but if it is truly calling you...GIVE IT YOUR ALL. I truly LOVE being a Developmental Psychologist and a helper of humans.    Thanks, Heather P. for giving me this assignment!   

          What is one of the hottest college majors right now? Psychology! Is Counseling a good career choice for you or your college student? Here are my suggestions!

   Interview:  Developmental Psychologist and Therapist, Laurie D. Johnson, Ph.D., LPC, AMS

What is your education background? 

I have a B.A. in Communication and a B.A. in Speech & Theatre, from Shorter. I have a Masters of Communication/Broadcasting, from Georgia State University, and a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from Georgia State University (Atlanta)

What are your current credentials/licenses?

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, practicing since 1991. I am also certified as an Anger Management Specialist and I am certified to work with the U.S. military.  I am also a certified MentorCoach and I am a certified in Hypnotherapy.

What was your graduate school experience like?

I loved it. I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge, so the demanding curriculum thrilled me. I worked in P.R. which helped me maintain some balance between being a student and being a professional. I had great professors. Georgia State was a great match for me. I began teaching there, after I earned my Masters. I taught Communication, Public Speaking, and Psychology. I also taught ESL Doctoral students classroom management skills.

How long have you been in practice?

I began counseling under supervision, in 1986. I opened up my own private practice in June, 1988.

In what context/work environment do you see clients?

Diverse. I knew I wanted to practice independently, but I didn't want to burn out, so when I opened The Skills for Living Institute, Inc., in 1988, I had three departments, Counseling/Coaching, Seminars & Retreats, and Consulting. I have loved the diversity, and each has enhanced my skills and savvy for the other endeavors. I also look for every possible reason to get outdoors, so I enjoy meeting clients in outdoor settings. Almost all my clients have been self-referred, through someone that has benefitted from my services. The second largest group, are referred by their physicians. The third group, come because they have read my books, articles, or heard my weekly radio shows. I work with clients face to face, by phone, by Skype, via letters, on retreats, in seminars, and on site consultations. In the past I have produced a video series to teach clients life skills. I have also launched Dr. J's Field Guide Series, and I am currently writing my fifth book to help clients excel in parenting and in marriage.

What perspectives/theories do you utilize in your work with clients?

I believe in the transpersonal dynamic of allying with clients. I was actually trained in Rogerian therapy (Carl Rogers) by my father, who was a psychiatrist. I practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and appreciate David Burns, MD for his systemization of principles for mental hygiene. I am proud to say I received post doctoral training by two of the premiere leaders of filial therapy, Drs.Bernie and Louise Guerney, of Penn State. I also received extensive training under internationally respected, Dr. Lu L'Abate.

How do you integrate theories in your practice?

That's hard to say! After 26 years of exploring, testing, using, assessing, and essentially creating my own collection of therapeutic principles, I'd be hard pressed to say where someone else's theory ends, and mine began. I have developed many unique therapies. As an INFJ, it is difficult for me to stick to anyone else's path. I have to pioneer. That has been necessary in part because of my free spirit, but also because I stand in an unusual gap. I am a very devout Christian with a feverish desire to understand the human heart. So I am often bringing Christian truth to my psychology colleagues, and psychological discoveries to my Christian leaders. It is interesting!

What interventions/techniques do you like to utilize with your clients?

Over the years, I have learned to trust my intuition more and more, and to trust the mechanics that God embedded in humans, to help us heal from nonphysical wounds. Because of the risk to go "off road" from stepwise therapy strategies, I have seen extraordinary things happen for clients who trusted in me, if not in my requests. The "empty chair" is a powerful technique. Talking to ones' "displaced selves" is a powerful technique. Using therapeutic hypnosis is a powerful tool. Using art and projection tests in whatever is around us, is powerful. I also assign movies and videos, to help reach places in clients that are so guarded, our conversations won't get us there. This is just a glimpse of what I've found works powerfully, when I'm led by the Holy Spirit to utilize these approaches. I also school all my clients about the "Committee" of mental guides who have our best interest at heart--but NOT always the best counsel!

  

What issues/population do you work with the most in your practice?

I work with highly functional adolescents, adults, and couples. Most of them are seeking coping skills, and the chance to make sense of what they are going through (phase of life.) I also address these issues in counseling: ADHD, Parenting, Marriage & Intimacy, Grief and Coping with Loss, and Stress Management.

What is your basic philosophy on how you counsel?

I believe that each of us is endowed by God with a longing to find the path He designed for us, and with a compass and courage to find that path. However, there are many hardships and heartaches and folly that we create and experience, that makes it hard to find that inner GPS. We are assigned rules and roles that do not always align with God's greater purpose for us. But, we tend to cling to those rules and roles because they provide us identity, self-esteem, and  strokes from certain people or groups. I help people reconnect with their "GPS" to figure out the "next right step" that will forward them on their unique path. Concentrating only on the "next right step" is really vital for people coping with addiction, disease, and discouragement. I believe God has the answers and counsel for every person, and it is my job to help them sort through the emotional and psychological debris, in order to get them to a comforted, dignified alliance, where they can discern more clearly, the right choices to make in their personal, relational, and professional lives.

How do you see multiple relationships in the counseling context?

Do you mean dual relationships? Or do you mean systems therapy?  As to the first, it is HARD to live in a small town (Cartersville and Rome) where you cross paths with everybody who could be a potential client, or a past client. I would never want to live in a city, but I do envy the anonymity that I have never known. It is not that I am uncomfortable being known as Dr.J, and having a pretty exposed life, but it adds some pressure that I must exit places on occasion, to make a client feel more comfortable. As for dual relationships, they ARE hard and demand great clarity and self-possession. Because of my INFJ personality, I only want to talk in depth to people, so we get into heavy duty, self-revealing talks, easily. That would be easy, if I only saw that person on a bus now and then, but in my case, I'll see them at school and they'll either want to give me updates or want to dodge me. It can be complicated.

How do you manage your own values in the counseling context?

The best way I can minister to another person, and I do regard counseling as a ministry, is to keep myself OUT OF THE WAY! That means I can lead a client toward pro-social values and humanitarian beliefs and spiritual realities, but NOT by showcasing mine. Transference could cause my client to want to please me or identify with me or to adopt my views. That would be unethical. I rarely, very rarely respond to a client's question, "Tell me what to do." Instead, I lead them through problem identification, values clarification, and problem solving steps. During any of those three stages, I'll pose questions to prompt my client to look at issues of accountability, integrity, conscience, and compassion. But I present them as components of self-actualization. If the client wants to bring their faith into our alliance, I respect it as far as possible, if it clashes with mine. I've never had a client who was radically anti-Christian. I admit, I am more likely now, than a decade ago, to answer clients, if asked directly about my hope, faith, or priorities. Frankly, that may be because I see the world going down the tubes and unless people have the comfort of God's love,I think they will surely suffer as our political and global world decompensates and  self-destructs.

What's been a more challenging time for you in your practice?

Frankly, I have done a pretty good job of protecting myself from more challenging times, by this realization, "Because you are good at something, does NOT mean it is necessarily good for you!" I had to learn this on my own, after offering very commendable counseling to some populations for which I had too much empathy and overarching concern. I'm great with teens, but I don't need to see ones who suffer physical abuse that I can't stop. I'm great with teens, but I can't be the counselor who shows Carl Rogers' UPR and neutrality if they say they are choosing to have an abortion. I can be a fantastic counselor after the fact, to help them grieve and recover. But I'd be a fool to put myself in circumstances to support abortion. I don't see women who are being abused, because I don't have the constitution for that. I tell people the one client I will have till the day I die, was a brilliant, wonderful female judge, who was murdered by her husband, who was high on cocaine. I know that I did everything I could, and we discussed every imaginable protection that existed, and she rallied an entire troop of law enforcement around her once he made death threats. This support team was within feet of her, but a murderous person on drugs is going to win if they are determined. Knowing who I can care deeply about, but who I can NOT take on as a client, has kept me safe, sound, and successful in God's eyes. I have a peace about that. So, to answer the question more succinctly, it is challenging to know that I have skills and perspectives, entrusted to me by brilliant minds (three of world renown) and not have as much chance to offer myself as I want to, for these reasons, 1. I will not compromise my values to get on an insurance company's list of providers, so I'm dependent on private pay clients. Money for counseling usually comes from discretionary income--something people have less and less. Also, 2. People who could benefit hugely from counseling, view it as a stigma and won't check it out. 3. People have experienced poor counseling and won't give it a second chance. These are challenges I face now.

How do you manage self-care in your professional life?

Vigilantly! I try to get outdoors every day (green therapy.) I try to spend time decompressing with my animals every day. Between giving myself the tonic of nature and pets, I can usually walk in my front door cleansed of whatever toxic or heartbreaking "stuff" I've taken on, during a day of counseling, coaching, or consulting. Which is good, because I do not want my marriage or family to suffer from my failure to compartmentalize my life. I also journal and take time to monitor my own well-being. I swim and exercise when I can, and I maintain close friendships. I also find that photography and tree pleaching feeds my soul.

Do you incorporate faith into your practice? How?

Every time I take a breath! How openly I do, depends on the circumstances. I have clients who ask to open sessions with a prayer, and I am very, very happy to oblige them. If asked directly, why my faith provides me hope and comfort, I'll answer. Especially, if my client is undergoing a painful tragedy that I have experienced. That is my transpersonal element of philosophy. If I've gotten through three miscarriages and can function and find joy, then I'm a much better help than a sympathetic  article from a stranger. I guess I would also say, that the reverse question is interesting, too. How do I incorporate my practice into my faith? That can be a challenge. Because my clients' struggles can break my heart and their beseeching me with "Why won't God answer my prayers?" is hard to hear, as I watch them walk through terribly dark valleys--some for zero blame of their own. Seeing life close up and raw, with peoples' darkest secrets, shame, and fears, will definitely test a counselor's faith--in humankind, in life, in goodness, and in God. I can honestly say, these 26 years have given me a profound appreciation of the human spirit and the Creator who cares for all of us.

How do you see assessments in your practice?

I like objective, numerical assessments, because our subjective impressions can be way off the mark. Also, self-report can be way off the mark. When I'm doing some of my assessments, my clients have no clue. They just think we are covering a valuable topic. Also, if you don't mark and track your way to a goal, how are you going to know if you are making progress? I love it when my assessment allows me to quantify or validate how much progress a client has made, because it is a hard thing for many people to see in themselves.

What is your view of the therapeutic relationship?

It is an incredible honor, and a noble undertaking. However, it is not my faith in therapy, psychology, my elite training, or my intelligence, that compels me to offer myself as a therapist. Those things strengthen me, but I would not dare enter into a person's soul, or mind, unless I thought God would guide me, speak through me, shore me up, and assume responsibility for the outcome. I can be a wonderful listener, an astute observer, a keen strategist, but it is only the grace of God that gives me the nerve and the boldness to step into such a sacred place with another human. Teens and adults come to me and bare their souls. They deserve far, far, far more than a self-impressed counselor. They deserve a humble counselor, taking cues and direction from a mighty God. Not that I am able or yielded to do that at all times. But it is my aim.

How do you set goals with your clients?

With coaching clients, I have clients specify goals and timelines and they are pretty concrete. With retreat participants and seminar attendees, I help them structure clear goals. But therapy clients usually do not come through the door in touch with their real need. Often, they don't know what their real ache is or what baggage they are carrying. If making goals and reaching them were that doable, they would have probably figured out what goals and approaches they needed, and accomplished them instead of seeking therapy. I DO believe in goal-centered counseling and I love single session therapy, and use it. But, I think it takes a seasoned counselor to see beyond the goals a client brings, to the goals that will actually reward them with deeper satisfaction.

What are your views on diagnosis?

Hmmm. That answer, is shaped by my undergraduate and graduate (and continuing) work in the field of Communication. Diagnoses are limited to the instruments that can measure a certain thing, to a certain degree, with certain expectations. Diagnosis is helpful for ruling out things, but less exact for determining real things. I realize that is a rather radical view, but I stand by it. Take intermittent rage, NOS. So we can measure anger outbursts, how does that help us access the pain fueling it or the head injury that created it? Yes, it is dang important to assess whether someone has unipolar or bipolar depression. But is that caused by an extreme, undiagnosed anxiety disorder, or restless legs that have caused sleep deprivation?  If a child with ADHD resembles a "gifted child" what's the deal? (I DO believe in ADHD and ADHD medication, btw.)  Diagnoses help us agree about symptoms. Symptoms can be fairly or unfairly pathologized. For example--ADHD folks have exceptional, absolutely exceptional concentration and duration of focus for certain things. So, do we diagnose them as SFCM, super focused creative movers? No, we go for a Western medicine leaning, pathology diagnosis. Something to think about. This is where I see a great gap in Christian intellect informing the psychological field. Humans look to words and diagnoses to serve as anchors amidst an ocean of unknowns.  Sometimes, that ill serves the human race.

 How do you create a therapeutic environment for your clients?

I try to create the most physically comfortable environment for THAT client. For some, that means their home or back yard. Or their private office. Or a neutral park. I hate a sterile, indoor environment, so I have never attempted to practice in a stark office. My favorite office had a fireplace, pillows, blankets, lush plants, soft artwork, and a couple of teddy bears. I always let my client choose his or her seating. I always place myself between my client and the door, lest there is delivery or disturbance, I maintain their privacy. When possible, I use art, music, guided meditation, walking, deep relaxation, humor, and often, double sessions. Double sessions (even when I only charge for one) are very, very beneficial to certain clients.

How do you manage countertransference?

First, by expecting it! I have faced a number of hardships in my life, so it is likely that I'll have clients with issues of abandonment, codependency, and other challenges that I've faced. By expecting it, I take the shame out of it, so that I can recognize it by early cues, instead of latter problems. There have been times it was right to wrestle with it privately or with a supervisor. There have been times that I've openly addressed it, and together we found very beneficial rewards of discussing it and realigning my energies.

What's some advice you would give an aspiring counselor?

1. Before you hike too far down that road, take time to pull together the story of your life, in as much detail as you can. If others can contribute, enlist their input, but don't assign it 100% accuracy. Don't even assign your own memories 100% accuracy! Make a Time Line of the major events in your life. My first major event was the loss of my dog at age 6. Nothing is "insignificant" if it comes to mind. Open your heart and soul and let things surface, even if they are painful, uncomfortable, or insignificant to others. After you've gathered your story, write it out. Share it. Feel it. Add to it as other stuff comes to mind. Your story is one of triumph. Keep gathering it until you KNOW that!
2. From that story, get an idea about why counseling may draw your interest. Most of us in the field, crawled through some broken glass to get here. We had our own demons to wrestle with, which is why we can fiercely go into battle for the welfare of our clients. But, be cautious. Going into the field, because you couldn't rescue someone you loved, earlier in life, is not the best idea in the world. Going into the field, to figure out why and how you are messed up, is very common, but not always the best reason to pursue this. Because guess who will enter your door? A hundred versions of that loved one you couldn't save or reform or get through to.
3. Ask yourself, "What can a counselor do, and what can't he or she do?" You can help people figure out who they are, where they are and where they want to go. You can help a client develop new life skills, new coping techniques, and thrive, thanks to more self-awareness and empowerment. Those are the positive can's. Less positive ones include: you can make yourself the target of a client's pain and loathing and serve as a lightning rod for his or her raw, wild pain. Are you up for that? You can also find yourself desperately trying to help a person find resources or referrals that don't come through and you'll have to watch him or her fight a terrible undertow of despair. Can you handle that? Granted, if you go into the field, supervision and experience WILL season you. You WILL find strength you didn't guess you possessed. If counseling were looked down upon, instead of being seen as something kind of cool and heady, would it still attract you? Maybe, you'd like a different role of teaching, mentoring, advocating, or cheerleading. Let yourself question these things! Because, in counseling, there are many things you can't do. You can't block out certain images, stories, tragedies, crimes, and hardships that clients must entrust to you. Choose well, the population you have the fortitude to serve. Also, you can't speed up a client's time table, when you see them making harmful choices or being double minded. You can't insure that a client continues the work they begin, because other people and circumstances will pull them out of your care. That is hard. You can't protect people from pain, but you will want to. Lastly, you can't just open a playbook and know what to do with or for your client. You have to have great intuition, good antennae, and fantastic supervision, if you want to excel as a helper.

4. Since you can't shadow a counselor, search out ones you can observe on YouTube and on TV and in movies. Tori Spelling's counselor is really good at conveying empathy and alarm, without being gushy or alarming. Dr. Phil's style is pretty harsh, but it is what some folks need. Robin William's played therapists who could always outwait a client. There are many styles of dealing with clients.

5. Breathe. Yes, I said breathe! Studies suggest you'll have several careers in a lifetime. I've been a elementary school teacher, a P.R. director, a college instructor, a psychologist, a therapist, a Retreat Facilitator, a Community Relations director, and I'm focusing on being an author. What do all those professions say? They say "help people." Whether or not you become a counselor, take heart. You can help people. Just find a way that it fits really well, like a favorite coat. And...God bless you, Dr. J

   Answering these questions was a good exercise for me. I'm glad I could share my thoughts with you. Catch me Saturdays, on TalkRadio WLAQ 9- 9:30, am via TuneIn Radio app, "Dr. J's Skills for Living Show." Or, reach me at 770.655.5364 at The Skills for Living Institute, Inc.

                                 

"Dr. J's Field Guide: TEENS 101, Fall Out or Fall Under" Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC

Some days, I find myself hoping that this is the day I get reviewed by the universe. Today was one of those days. I published my book, Dr. J's Field Guide: TEENS 101, on Amazon. I took a stand. I said, don't you dare throw out your teen, because of her pregnancy or his homosexuality. I called out parents for being wounders and anger-feeders. I bashed the stupid term, "troubled child." I stung teachers and coaches who use "gay" "girls" and "sissies" as slurs or "motivators."I also came down hard on the  affluent cliques at my kids' school.  Do I expect fallout? Sure. But, if that means there is one less shovel of dirt to fall in a grave of a bullycide or anorexic teen--so be it.

GUEST COLUMN: It's time to teach intolerance of bullying and harassment

GUEST COLUMN: It's time to teach intolerance of bullying and harassment

"Parenting Experts?" Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC

Dr. T. Berry Braselton's advice got me through teen parenting: "Do the best you can, then try to make up for it!"

Yesterday, while waiting for news about my ankle unhappiness, known as PTTD, but better understood as the painful consequence of my "rubber band sagging" around that joint, I watched a bit o'TV in the doctor's office. I tried to swallow my scoffing, as a visibly affluent gentleman was interviewed about his new release regarding "Happy Parenting" but I was probably unsuccessful in disguising my mift-ness. Possibly I was confused for a patient in the middle of an allergy snurful.

Why was I scoffing? Do I fail to appreciate the need for guidance to make parenting effective and families happy? Quite the contrary! I'm a huge believer in parent guidance and child welfare and enrichment. What I scoffed about was the tone of complete command and confidence aired by the author, who is a father. A father of two girls. Adoring, young, playful girls who probably still view him on a pedestal. A pedestal that appeared mahogany, if not teak.

Why my low level fandom?

Because parenting insights are best given by veterans--not by rookies. Rookies don't believe Precious will ever slam the door with a shrill "I never loved you!"  Rookies are sure that sullen silence is for the neighbors who "screwed up" by neglecting to have weekly family conference.

Granted, I'm about to finish writing my own book about parenting adolescents. And I have the scar tissue, kleenex tissue, and tissue-thick ego that remains after parenting, in my case, four teenagers at the same time.

Had I written a parenting book during that honeymoon phase of parenting (birth til "I'll do what I want to do" around age 13)  I'm sure I'd look more zippy, sound more bold, and care about my socks matching.

Parenting this age is a cinch!

As it is, I still have zip. I'm even more bold about certain things. And I don't have to worry about my socks matching, because I learned that the surgery to get my rubber band fixed would take 8 months on crutches with major risk of depression issues, explained my doc.

Which means... I can wear whatever color socks I want as I continue on the rocky path of parenthood and as I continue to thank God for the unimaginable gift of motherhood. I'll also be thanking him that I don't have to cringe when I walk past what would have been my rookie version of a parenting book on our book shelf.

Urgent Love: Ode to Steve Peifer by Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC

Lately, I've been wrestling with how best  I can chronical my faith journey for those who still scratch their heads in dismay that the former president of the Baptist Student Union at Shorter College went Roman. Catholic, as in. In fact, yesterday was my 12th anniversary of that decision. Meanwhile, Steve Peifer is briefly touring the U.S. sharing his story of "A Dream So Big" that has just been released by Zondervan. How we come to our faith matters, so I'm going to keep working on a crumb trail that might lead people to the church of Steve's childhood. Meanwhile, he's going to keep sharing about a God
so big that He can send three sons to change this world: Jesus, to redeem it, a tiny baby named Stephen to stretch open Steve's heart and soul, and a grown son named Steve whose heart for young Kenyans--concern for their nutrition, their education, and their future via the capacity to acquire marketable computer skills is changing their world. His urgent love compelled him to create and sustain ways to feed school kids
 in mind, body, and spirit. He's done an incredible job of that, in the company of three great sons, in the loving memory of another son, and with his beautiful bride and daughter. Reminding me that finding God really matters, but living a life where people old and young see the Father in your eyes and at work through your loving arms----that's what it is all about.

"Developmental Psychologist Reviews Religion" Backstage with Dr. Laurie Johnson, LPC

                                                                              Choices...

                                                 Laurie D. Johnson, Ph.D., LPC ©

     Do you enjoy hearing about peoples' childhood, about where they grew up, and how they fell in love? I do. I marvel that our stories combine details that are utterly unique with experiences that are achingly universal.

     That's because I love the human spirit. I'm inspired by the efforts people make to figure out this thing called life. What is the meaning of life? Have you met many people who have wrestled with this question and have questioned the answers offered by others? I'm lucky to say I have. But then, I seek them out!

     Recently, I was in a nostalgic mood, reflecting on my journey in life and the people I've met who had a major impact on how I look at life. I reminisced about special relationships I've had in different churches. It made me smile.

     Do you remember how you chose your church? Maybe it was the little country church your parents and grandparents attended, or even founded. Maybe it was the "compromise denomination" that your parents could agree on, because they came into marriage with differing loyalties. Maybe it was close enough to walk to, or the one to which someone kindly offered you a ride.

     Maybe it was the one attended by a cute boy, or a beautiful girl. Maybe it was the one with a magnificent choir. Maybe it was one with a friendly choir, so friendly that they let you and your pitchy voice join them. Maybe it was a dynamic preacher who grabbed you by the gills. Or a youth program that outshone all the other ones in town.

     Maybe it was the thrill of a stunning multimedia setup that immersed you in music and graphics and lyrics wherever you sat in the mammoth auditorium. Maybe it was the church that sent someone to visit you, to personally invite you to their fold. Maybe it was the one with a great men's group or a welcoming ladies circle. Maybe it had the best trips and events for Senior citizens. Maybe it was the one that offered a preschooler program during the week, where you could sit, encrusted with cheerios, just to talk, feel loved, and use big words! Or maybe it was your mother-in-law's church and you hoped you'd earn brownie points for attending!

     Maybe it was the one with a great basketball program--for kids (or weekend warriors!) Maybe it was the one that sponsored a 5K or took the teens on an uber popular ski trip.

     It is interesting to think about how we choose things. Like a church. Or, let's say, your doctor. I can tell you, I chose my dentist for his laughing gas. Forget that he's keenly intelligent, warm, and impressively well read. He offers nitrous oxide so he got my vote.

     What about your doctor? I chose my internist on the basis of reputation and rapport. Unfortunately, the rapport I desire is more chummy than beneficial. For example, he ignores my weight gain, lack of exercise, cancer optional diet, and my neglect of a colonoscopy. I'm dumb to prefer his doctoring to that of a different physician who would be on my case and get me ten more years of quality living... but I do. Proving that sometimes, our judgment is not the best. Also, that our comfort bone will sell out our good sense bone in a heartbeat. Even when that might cost us a beating heart in the end.

      Maybe, you are feeling quite satisfied about how judiciously you chose your doctor. Good for you! We should treasure and preserve our physical health. To that end, we probably need more engaged doctors in health care and fewer docs who neglect to inquire about smoking habits, alcohol consumption, prescription drug abuse, and poorly explained bruises.

      It takes a certain compassion and chutzpah to address tough or painful topics. But, better some awkward moments with your trusted family doctor than dead silence that is permanent, don't you agree?

     After all, we turn to our doctor because he or she is extensively trained in knowledge and skills beyond our own. He or she has gone through years of preparation and formation and examination to become qualified to be our advisor. They've taken an oath to "Do no harm" and to dignify our needs from the womb to the tomb.

     A desire to be a doctor and to don a white coat and title do not suffice--it takes years and years of education, residency, scrutiny, and cross examination to forge doctors who are equipped to stand between life and death for us. I wouldn't want to put my life or welfare in the hands of someone who cut corners or who designated himself as a healer or physician!

     It is understandable that anyone would be drawn to the nobility and prestige of being a doctor. But there are names for people who assign themselves that status who haven't gone through the gauntlet of medical school. Two that I can think of are "fraud" and "criminal," because that is how seriously we regard the sanctity of human health and medical ethics. It would be a rather scary world if medical titles were presented on the basis of popularity, charisma, or one's last name, wouldn't it?!

     But, what about your spiritual health? Has it been helped or harmed by organized religion? I'd have to answer "Yes." I've been blessed and I've been beaten up by churches.

     Thankfully, the Creator and I are on good terms and we can laugh about that now, without my bursting out in sobs. What a relief that is. If you've ever been hit by a church (or congregation) and been dragged 200 feet through notorious grape vines and zealous prayer chains, you know what I'm talking about. Most likely, God has countless reasons to weep over His encounters with humans. But He hasn't vented to me about that, yet. Maybe I haven't let Him get a sob in edgewise...

     Suffice it to say, I've been Teen leader in three Presbyterian churches, President of the Baptist Student Union at a Southern Baptist college, an adult leader in the Episcopal church, Junior staff for Campus Crusade for Christ, and College mentor for a Young Life high school group with over a hundred teens involved. You could say I have some credibility when it comes to church life and denominational exposure...

     Recently, the Catholic church has been in the news a lot, what with retirement of a pope and the election of a new one. This has provided the media with plenty of opportunities to rehash its scandals, scoff at its medieval morals, protest its anti-feminist stance, rebuke its politically incorrect views, and scorn its anti-gay marriage stance.

     Granted, jaded broadcasters appeared to be taken aback temporarily, by an endearing, humble guy taking on the name and rawness of St. Francis, but pretty soon they returned to glumping everything evil onto the Church and its deplorable policies and failures. Identified failures that are notable for two reasons of interest. First, because one would think molestation is uncommitted by Protestant pastors or youth leaders.

     Second, because only the Catholic church has a home office that now screens personnel and monitors child/adult contact to a degree barely achieved by DFCS. Still, transparency in the Church about heinous crimes committed by humans has caused the world to believe Protestant halls and homes are free of abuse and molestation because molesters are contained within the Catholic church and penitentiaries, it appears.

     It appears. What a lovely and dangerous phrase. It appears you have a malignant tumor. It appears the flight has been cancelled. It appears we've been hacked.

     Going back to the question of how did you chose your church. It appears there was something that appealed to you. Perhaps a welcoming congregation. Maybe great preaching. Maybe a charismatic pastor. Maybe a chance to zone out for at least one hour a week or to hear live music. Maybe the hope of getting a surrogate family. Maybe a hope that attending church would patch up your marriage or straighten out your kid...

     Do you go to a church? Do you belong to one? Does it belong to you? Have you ever left a church? Been told to leave one? Been asked not to come back?

     Have you seen one grow from modest to mega? Have you been in one that tore itself into pieces and factions? Maybe you used to be a church goer. Funny way to describe something, isn't it? Never considered myself a school goer or a store goer or a baseball game goer. Wonder if that means something.

     Do you recall why you quit going? Bad vibes? Fell out with the preacher or with one the powerful committee members or staff members? Maybe you felt slighted. You didn't seem to warrant a hospital visit or a phone call when things were difficult. You got left out. Or maybe you never fit in.

     Maybe they needed you as a nursery worker more than they wanted you as a parishioner. Maybe you stepped on a deacon's or vestry member's or elder' s toe and it felt better to stay home. Or maybe you tried another church, only to get the same old-same old.

     As I said, I've been a zealous leader in several churches and in different denominations. I've actually been requested to leave a church! After living through three bloody splits (in a Southern Baptist church, an Episcopal church, and a Presbyterian church) I decided God must have had a better plan than what I'd experienced.

     I spent a full year investigating world history, church history, religiosity, and theology. The only thing I went took into my exploration was the certainty that the answer would not be the Mary-worshipping, tell-you-what-to-believe, ritual ridden, opulent cathedral'd Catholic church. Famous last words.

     As former Presbyterian scholar Scott Hahn described his journey, I, too, found that historical facts led me into a horror story that trailed into a mystery, and ended up a love story. A love story that required my full surrender. It did not allow me to practice "cafeteria line Christianity" where I was free to pick and choose morals or values according to how they suit my pallet or pad my wallet or enhance my image. It doesn't conform to what's politically correct or chic, or deemed progressive. It doesn't grant me the option to pick which Commandments I want to keep and which ones I want to retire from the list.

     So, it asked of me surrender, in order to trust that the Great Shepherd could keep the flock he called, over twenty centuries, despite sin, madness, mayhem, heresy, corruption, martyrdom, modernity, and mockery.

     Then, it asked of me personal ministry. Yes, this is no spectator sport. Every single member is gifted with a ministry--- be it teacher, mechanic, chef, or stockbroker! And the discerning of that gift and its maximum expression requires a specific question: am I best equipped to fulfill this independently or in a partnership? And if through partnership, with a mate or with a brotherhood or sisterhood?

     I'll never forget being a zealous convert still dripping with former individualism, sympathizing with a priest because he couldn't know the joy of mate and children and family. He swiftly corrected me and explained that he knew the joy of family life--multiplied--by each one of his parish posts! Secondly, he clarified that his "cup was full" differently than mine, but no less than mine. His joy and radiance bore witness to his words.

     Unfortunately, these days, celibacy and religious life are rarely considered an option for joy or for connectedness. Yet I can tell you, after counseling over 4000 couples, marriage is no guaranty of fulfillment or joy (or unbroken vows).

     These days, sexual activity is considered vital to self-expression. Despite jokes and facts about sexual under satisfaction among singles and marrieds, it is still sought as life's great tonic (often from partners who consider it life's big headache!)

     For Catholics, marriage is meant to be a vocational choice much more than a romantic or sexual one. When it is, and it results in passionate service to others, empowered by seven sacraments, it not only supercharges the bedroom, it brings children into a strong, loving nest.

     Perhaps the time will come, when sexual bonding will take its place behind the bonding of souls in higher purposes. In pursuits far surpassing self-gratification.

    Ironically (or not) the most epic love stories are often those of self-sacrifice, self-restraint and triumph ( Les Miserables, for one.)

     I can only imagine that through the centuries, to this day, countless people have married the wrong persons. Countless people have married for the wrong reasons. And I grieve that countless people over the centuries have cheated themselves and others of an epic marriage...to the Beloved.

     As one who has counseled couples for over 27 years, and forged my own nontraditional marriage for 33 years, and studied love and family life for over 40 years, I respectfully offer these thoughts for your consideration.

     So, where have you acquired a compass or GPS for moral direction? Hopefully, any church is a place to love and be nurtured, to be urged toward your best self, and to be empowered to be salt and light in a world that prefers sugar and low light. But, do you know the origins of your church, if you rely on it for consolation and guidance? After all, you probably wouldn’t let a next door neighbor change your transmission just because he or she said they liked car mechanics. You wouldn’t take a sick pet to your secretary just because she likes animals. You wouldn’t pay for an education under college professors who merely liked to read and self-appointed themselves experts. Would you?

     What are the qualifications of the person at the helm of your church? And while you’re at it, what was the deal with the guy (most likely, statistically) who chartered your church or fellowship? Ever ask? People usually don’t. If this question makes you squirm, as it did me, I wish you grace for the journey. You deserve to ask and you deserve answers. It is a quest that matters. Does your spiritual leader get a good deal, for serving in that capacity? Prestige, salary, housing allowance, minimal supervision? Possibly, no supervision, or supervisors who are hand-picked, or who suddenly disappear from the board of deacons or elders because he or she “clashed” with the preacher? Kind of makes you think, right?

     What is truth? Ever give that some thought? Who or what is your source for news and information about the big questions of life like " Why am I here?" "Do I matter to anybody?" and "With so much suffering and exploitation in the world, how can I possibly find joy or peace of mind?"

     Despite the fact that self-indulgence is possibly at an all time high, do you see a lot of happy, truly happy people?  I don’t. Do you see vibrant relationships? Maybe between people and their game consoles or TV remote controls. At some point, especially if you are exposed to really sad, upsetting stories, you’ll ask, “What is the deal?” When you do, whose answer will satisfy you?

      If you’re putting all your eggs in Brother Bill’s basket, or Rev. Michael’s mega church and realty center (or is it reality center?) you might want to step back and reevaluate. Ministries have boomed, and then dissolved all around us, on TV and around the corner. New factions of the Christian religion spring up like mushrooms every day. I won’t mention what organic matter hosts the biggest mushrooms but it appears to follow horses and cows. What did your church spring from? Discontent? The certainty that some guy had finally “gotten it right” after 1500 years? Or more right in the mid 1900’s when THE fundamentals were suddenly exposed to a small party of “real” believers?

 I’ll admit it to you, it was hard to look at history and slowly see the discrepancy unfold, between what I’d been taught and what had been objectively recorded. It did not sit well. And it stepped on my toes mighty heavily. I was chagrinned, to tell you the truth. I’d heard the saying, “The truth will set you free, but first it will offend you” (PG translation) It did. It freed me but first it stunned me, up heaved my world, and angered me to find out that I’d been misinformed about church matters that mattered! Specifically, I’d been taught that Catholics worshipped Mary, and for all intents and purposes, the Pope, as well. I was told they looked down on women and rejected gays and had an unromantic view of sex.

For decades, I assumed what I’d been taught about my church(es) and about others was the gospel (pun intended.)  How wrong was I. It was messy and scary to learn otherwise. But I imagine that’s what it is like to recognize there’s a hole in your canoe, too. You can adjust or drown, even though the ride down the river had been going really well until that realization!

     Let me close, by saying, I consider myself very fortunate that wonderful Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Charismatics, Non-Denominationals, and Southern Baptists helped me thrive and grow along the way. They showed me love, acceptance, and usually, the beloved face of God. I can only hope, like Scott Hahn did, that those who determined he’d lost his mind when he left the Protestant fold, would take a second look at history. And, to risk being cheesy, His story—Christ’s and his insistence that his believers remain one.

When I was young, I was taught that the “catholic church” in the Nicene Creed stood for “universal,” and that was meant to comfort and assure me that all God’s chillum are in the universal church. What was not explained was that while we are all part of the universal church, the universal church was provided a guardian and guide so that we would not split into hundreds of different factions focused on what part of the Bible we liked or which vices we didn’t like.  

Imagine, if you will, a huge, sturdy circus tent, at the onset of a horrible hail storm. Would it be enough to share membership with the hundreds of people out in the field, or might you prefer to get under the tent and be sheltered from the ice pellet storm? The tent is the church Christ ordained and has sustained through mayhem, corruption, and every possible human explosion or implosion. It was meant to be our guardian and guide, under the Holy Spirit. Universally. Without division and subdivision and sub-subdivsion, etc..

Here’s the bottom line. Whether it has been told to you (or denied by some fool) YES, your life matters so, so much. YES, it matters that you are here, and that you don't throw in the towel. And among other beautiful, profound gifts in the world...there's a tribe that has spent over 2000 years guarding truth and real freedom, for you. They stand ready to welcome you out of the hailstorm. They won’t promise that under the tent you’ll find utopia. But, if you look, you’ll find more than you ever dreamed possible. Might want to check out Christ’s charter church!

                          (C) 2013 Laurie D. Johnson Ph.D., M.Co., LPC.

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